My Left Hemisphere

“Who am I? Why am I here?”

That was the opening line that Vice Presidential candidate Adm. James Stockdale used in his debate with Al Gore in 1992. I found it absolutely charming. I’ve wanted to use it ever since and here’s my chance. In researching the quote I found out that Admiral Stockdale’s actual life struggles were more relevant to me and others with NLD/NVLD (both stand for “Nonverbal Learning Disability”) than I’d imagined. You can read why in one of my early posts entitled “Admiral Stockdale and Me.” When? When I finish writing it, of course. For now, I’ll just try to answer the two questions. As with many people on the spectrum (autism at one end, NLD the other) I have a tendency to digress. Sometimes, like today, I can get off the point before I’ve even made one!

So. Who am I? I’m nycgrlupstate, pleasure to meet you. I was born in East New York and until this year lived most of my adult life in the East Village and Lower East Side of New York, and even for a minute the Upper East Side (hated it!). Now I live upstate in the country not far from Albany. Since the word “East” is no longer in my address I can’t sleep unless I’m facing Mecca. (Not really). I’m in a sleepy little town living with D., a sleepy little neuropsychologist. (Ha, you’ll never guess who he is, that’s not even his real initial!).

Why am I here? (Meaning: Why this blog?) Until recently, I have had an extremely troubled life, especially professionally, and therefore financially, for no apparent reason. I was diagnosed with Major Clinical Depression with recurrent episodes and associated anxiety around ten years ago. It could also be said (and has) that I exhibit “features of paranoia.” I’ll use it in a sentence: “He’s not really a paranoid schizophrenic, he just has features of paranoia and a wild imagination!”

It was nobody’s fault that I suffered for more than 20 years with mood disorders before starting treatment. Nobody knew about those things 30 years ago. I didn’t even know I was depressed, I just thought I was unenthusiastic. Treating the depression helped enormously but in certain areas I remained “stuck.” Now I know that the missing piece to the puzzle was NLD, caused (possibly) by inadequate development of the white matter in the right hemisphere of the frontal lobe of the brain. As awful as it sounds it is wonderful to know that my condition has a name, my failures in life happened for a reason, and I am not alone.

My chosen profession was nursing, which (understatement alert!) was not a good fit. These types of learning disorders have only begun to be recognized in the last 15 years or so and I started nursing around 30 years ago…oops! For now at least, nursing is a wall that I will no longer be banging my head against, thereby giving myself and any potential supervisors a break! Read all about it in my upcoming post: “Freedom? Not License(d).”

So there you have it. I am at the start of a new period of self-exploration and self-expression related to (but not limited to) NLD and this blog will be a vehicle for both. I especially hope to share the funny side of NLD as it does have one, like all sad and difficult things in life.

People with NLD tend to have limited numbers of interests and those interests are frequently considered off-beat or even strange by neurotypicals. As with other disabilities though the same characteristics that cause us problems can also bless us with unique strengths. When we are interested in a topic we can be unsurpassed in focus, devotion, passion and intensity and often learn everything about it with little or no apparent effort.

My obsessions include national politics, music, human sexuality and stuff that makes me laugh (usually “sick” &/or topical humor). I’m interested in voluntary simplicity and flexitarianism, and other forms of harm reduction. I read constantly and like to cook and bake and lately I’m learning to grow things. To me this is an exhaustive list but I have been told, repeatedly, that my interests are narrow. At any rate I will be posting as much if not more about these things and the world beyond my navel so that you, gentle and fortunate reader, can truly share my life.

Welcome to my world and thanks for stopping by.
nycgrlupstate